She (LTC#69) and why AQ is and always will be my family.

July 2013

She (LTC #69)

     This was the first LTC I made after my 3 year hiatus. I actually carved it during the break. Although I did not participate on anything on AQ I still carved. Although somewhat personal I would like to share my story....

How I got into letter boxing....

I was about to turn 30. I had one child at 28 and had been with the same man for 10 years. Since then we had two miscarriages and were having a hard time coping. I decided that I wanted to do something big for my 30th birthday. Something that would bring life back to a rocky situation. What better than an outrageously over the top trip to New York City. So I started planning. Even organized a reunion with an old friend that had lived there so that we could get a private tour. Right before I left I had a friend at work that had been perusing the internet via stumble upon. She Stumbled Upon...Atlas Quest. knowing tha I was an arty person she mentioned that she had happened upon a hobby that she thought would pique my interest. So I visited AQ and thought to myself WOW...so cool. I think I'll give it a try. On my trip I found a few even one that became slightly famous in the papers. At this point I even told my Best Friend (Miss Chievousness) about how I was traipsing around the woods in New York City in search of tupperware. While I was on this trip I found out that I was pregnant (on my birthday). So I was thrilled and a beautiful trip became something even more spectacular. We were expecting and I just knew in my heart that this one would work out. I got back to Wyoming and found every stamp in our small town and then the unthinkable... I started to bleed. I was immediately put on bed rest. After a few months we were diagnosed with placenta previa and at 25 weeks we had a complete abruption that resulted in the stillbirth of our daughter Hannah Mae. I was devastated. I made it through the funeral and the milk coming in and then nearly completely broke down. While this was occurring my Best Friend was doing every thing she could from miles away to ensure that I would come out the other side of this. She had gotten involved in the hobby while I was busy being pregnant. She had taken it a step further and had carved as well as found stamps. So she sent me a little kit with a caring tool and some "pink stuff". I carved my fist stamp with a huge gouge. It was an image I drew myself and it was terrible. I was hooked. It turns out that when I was carving my brain turned off and all of the pain drained away. thus began an obsession.....

I got rather good at carving and moved into LTC's. I had always created art, everything from painting to sculpting so LTC's were a logical step for me. I inserted myself into the community and takes with the right people and asked for advice and was welcomed with huge inviting warm arms. AQ truly became my family. They nursed my pain and haloed me through the first anniversary of Hannah's death with a scavenger hunt that delivered carves and gifts from the most amazing people I had never met. I found my home in the heart of strangers. I started attending events and opening up and getting to know people and they all helped me to survive. After a few years in the hobby I received news that my mother had been diagnosed with early onset Alzheimers and my father with kidney cancer. I made the rather quick decision to begin the trek home to Alaska. this however was my complete breaking point. I din't have any more room for anything. I dropped off of the radar and moved back to a place I hated and settled in for the long journey of taking care of my parents at the age of 33. I couldn't devote any more time to AQ or anything other that figuring out how I was going to make life work again. So I left, I didn't talk to anyone. I was just gone. I kept carving during this time to keep my sanity but I never even logged on to the computer. I had postals that needed to be returned and people that cared that I didn't give an explanation to. I would like to say that i would do it differently given the opportunity again...but the truth is I just needed to struggle my way back to the surface. i felt like I was drowning and I didn't have anything left to give. After I had been gone for a few years I started creating cards again...before I ever even logged back on. I may tend to hate my cards but my life is incomplete without art. It's something i have to create whether I love the end result or not. I made a set of 5 cards starting with She. I had run across a quote by Monique Duvall in a little shop here in downtown Fairbanks and something about it made me feel like I had just woken up from a coma. I immediately went home and carved the quote and the image of a girl with flowing hair and made the card. I made a few others and then relaxed again and finished getting my life together. Miss Chievousness and I reconnected and I decided it was time to come back to my family on AQ. Life still isn't perfect and a few more challenges were thrown at me. The father of my son and I broke up after 16 years, my parents are in and out of the hospital, my sister died suddenly and unexpectedly and more miscarriages came my way. But I am a strong woman. This card represents everything I am and want to be. I hope that AQ and every stranger that became a friend realizes that you saved my life. you kept me from drowning and freed me. The list is too long to thank everyone, but for anyone that thinks I forgot them or got mad at me for being a black hole and disappearing....I appreciate you. You were the family I desperately needed in the darkest moments of my life. I wish I could repay you all. I never forgot a single person or a kind word or action that was offered to me. AQ will always be my home.